The Member for Western Plains, the Right Dishonourable Ron Slutty MP has rejected accusations that the Prime Minister showed complete disregard for his constituents’ welfare by making straight for the airport during the bush fire crisis.
‘To the untrained eye, it might have looked like he was running away,’ said Slutty ‘But in fact he was showing great leadership. He was leading the way to a five star resort in Hawaii. What kind of topsy-turvy world do we live in when Prime Ministers are cast as villains for taking a private holiday during a national emergency?’

The PM leads the way

A whistleblower in the Western Plains Security Service has accused the White House of trying to cover up details of a conversation between local member Ron Slutty and the President of the United States.
The complainant alleges that Ron Slutty had a conversation with the President last week while accompanying the Prime Minister of Australia on a visit to Washington. However insiders say the President has never heard of Slutty, or Australia.

‘Give me a thousand bucks or I’ll tell the media you spoke to Ron Slutty.’
‘Will you take a cheque?’

Years of playing the political game have not been lost on Godiva Fustaigne. The long hours, the interminable meetings, the dreary cocktail parties, sucking up to anyone that might be able to help with your career, all of it has worked [No it hasn’t –Ed].
From the dog eat dog world of machine politics and the sheer hell of having to keep track of all your elaborate expenses claims, Fustaigne has emerged triumphant like Joan of Arc from the flames [Are you sure about that? – Ed].
Like all diplomats from Western Plains, Fustaigne tells it like it is.
So when she says something like ‘I am leaving the Parliament and I hope you lose the next election, you pack of mongrel bastards,’ what she is really saying is ‘I have been contacted by a number of talented, indeed extraordinary, people, including women, who have indicated to me that should I decide not to contest the next election, that would be totally understandable from a woman’s point of view.’
Similarly when she says ‘And I hope whoever gets the job is a two faced lying ratbag coz he’ll fit right in with you lot,’ what she really means is ‘It’s time for a new member to take my place and I like to think that in this day and age a woman will be successful in securing the nomination.’
Tributes have been trickling in for the retiring politician, mainly from people that she has screwed over on her way to the top, or ‘former colleagues’ as they are known in diplomatic circles.
‘Godiva was much loved by everyone in the party room’ said former colleague Ron Slutty, ‘At one time or another.’
‘Godiva has a long list of accomplishments to her name’ said another former colleague. ‘In fact, if there are any senior members of the party that she hasn’t accomplished it wasn’t for want of trying,’ he added.
‘Godiva certainly made a name for herself,’ said another former colleague we contacted by phone, ‘She was known as the [inaudible]’
‘Godiva would often accompany me on important overseas missions’ said another former colleague. ‘I remember one time she accompanied me back to my hotel room after some very complicated business negotiations in New York. Then we engaged in some even more complicated business – twice, I think,’ he said.
‘Godiva was tireless when on official business,’ said another former colleague, ‘Or shopping as it is known in diplomatic circles. She has boundless energy – and countless handbags.’
Godiva is perhaps the most loved politician never to have reached the top job.
Just two years ago she very nearly secured the leadership of her Party after she stood against the incumbent PM but unfortunately she narrowly failed to win any votes from her former colleagues, such was their great love for her.