Defective design linked to another crash in Western Plains
A Western Plains woman who was injured when a parked car collided with her donkey has claimed that design defects were a contributory factor in the accident. ‘I fully intend suing’ said Kylie Fustaigne (34). ‘Obviously some idiot has placed the steering at the wrong end.’
A spokesperson for the Western Plains Insurance Company has dismissed the claims. ‘This just goes to prove what I have always suspected,’ he said, ‘Some people in Western Plains couldn’t find their ass with both hands.’
Muffin The Mule
Wild Scenes As Verdict Announced
Celebrations have broken out in Melbourne Prison following the acquittal of a man accused of manslaughter in the Western Plains Goldfields. High profile Western Plains lawyer Ron Fustaigne JP (rtd) successfully argued that his client was harmlessly chasing a 14 year old boy down a gravel track in his four wheel drive when the boy deliberately threw himself under the wheels of the vehicle in a manner designed to cause maximum emotional distress to the driver.
Experts say this is good news for the Melbourne man accused of causing the deaths of six people by deliberately driving his car into Bourke Street Mall earlier this year.
Speaking from his offices in the public bar of the Grand Hotel in Liebig Street Fustaigne said he was confident of securing an acquittal for the Melbourne accused.
‘Obviously some of the circumstances are different’ said Fustaigne ‘But under Western Plains complex legal system, if you can convince the jury that the victim was an Aboriginal then the jury has no choice but to acquit you’.
RIP Elijah
Police account of taser death ‘fair enough’ says lawyer
The lawyer representing the family of a man who was tasered to death by police in Western Plains has described claims that the responding officer feared for his lunch break as ‘entirely reasonable given the circumstances’.
Transcripts released this morning have revealed that the Western Plains Tactical Response Unit was called out at 11.49 after an indigenous man was seen leaving the newsagents in Liebig Street with a packet of potato crisps that he may not have paid for. Twenty minutes later he was dead.
Ron Fustaigne JP (rtd) says that he accepts police accounts that they were dealing with an emergency.
What the tapes reveal
Officer: Janine, is that you sweetheart?
Operator: What do you want arsehole?
Officer: I love it when you talk dirty.
Operator: Get to the feckin point.
Officer: Ha ha. I’ve got some [inaudible] here requiring urgent medical attention.
Operator: Have you tasered someone again?
Officer: (Pause) Maybe. Look, it really is urgent. I’m supposed to go on my break at half past.
Operator: You’re all heart.
Western Plains Doctor Recognised in Queen’s Award
Local GP and Australia’s leading pie surgeon, Dr Ron Slutty has been recognised for his ground-breaking work in the medical use of confectionary. After graduating from Western Plains Technical College and Smash Repair Shop, Dr Slutty was first employed as an intern at the Grand Hotel in Liebig Street where he began working eventually. It is believed that around this time Dr Slutty began experimenting in the use of pastry to treat his high blood pressure and his low self-esteem. However it wasn’t until he joined the Catering Department at Western Plains Zoo and Royal Infirmary that he achieved the medical breakthrough that was to set him on the road to fame and fortune. Dr Slutty’s revolutionary use of lemon meringue pie as a cure for anything that was troubling him at the time has been hailed as [read more…]
Dr Slutty administering a dose of lemon meringue pie to a queen of Australia
Revealing Look at the Early Years of Western Plains Swimming Baths
Men bathing in the nude was an everyday sight in Western Plains in the late 20th century according to the president of Western Plains Historical Society, the Right Reverend Cardinal John Slutty.
Western Plains Swimming Baths attracted clergymen from all over Australia
“The fact is that houses didn’t have their own bathrooms back then. Or an internet connection. So if you had an interest in the pastoral care of naked young boys you had no choice but to visit Western Plains Swimming Baths. Or become a priest” he explained.
Cardinal Slutty says people at that time believed watching young men bathing in the buff had ‘invigorating qualities’. Whether the claim is sound or not, clergymen from all over Australia flocked to Western Plains drawn by the opportunity to rub soap on each other.
It was around this time too that Western Plains’ saw some of its most impressive erections. One of the town’s most iconic buildings, the Grand Hotel, or as it was known at that time, the Paedophile Palace opened in April 1980 only to be closed down again in May 1980.
Cardinal Slutty says bathers in Western Plains helped break down gender traditions. In this picture he is seen wearing a woman’s swimming costume from the 1890s, or an Australian priest’s costume from the 1980s.
The Western Herald 