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‘Deconstructed tucker’: has Western Plains cafe taken hipster trend too far?

The Liebig Cafe in Western Plains has ignited the appathy of social media users across the street for its shameless attempt to cash in on the fad for ‘deconstructed’ cuisine.

Fake blogger Belle Fustaigne said she ordered a double shot decaff soy latte with extra soy from Troy the barista only to be served three beakers on a grubby wooden platter.

Her companion, who ordered something more substantial, was served three grubbies on a broken wooden beermat.

‘I’m sorry, but I like my tucker not moving around the plate when I’m trying to eat it’ she bleated.

Deconstructed Western Plains coffee     Deconstructed Western Plains lunch

 

deconstructed coffee                    deconstructed lunch

 

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Investigations continue into alleged handshaking incident

The Arshes Tour continues to be dogged by allegations of inappropriate physical contact between rival players following a game at the municipal sports ground last month.

Details of the alcohol-fuelled fracas are sketchy with some saying the episode has been blown out of all proportion, while others claim that the incident caused several older cricket fans in Western Plains to seek hospital treatment.

‘We were on the ground having an enjoyable scrap’ said skipper Don Fustaigne ‘When suddenly Carstairs comes up to me, thrusts his smelly mitt into my hand and says “well played, old chap”.  It was completely uncalled for and I admit it took me a bit by surprise. So I nutted him’ he said.

A spokesperson for the team management said that celebrating success was one thing, but congratulating an opponent goes against the team’s core values. ‘Anyone would have reacted the same’ he said.

 

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The handshaking incident has brought back ugly memories of the last time a Western Plains cricketer congratulated an opponent. ‘The quicker we can put this behind us and get back to the sledging the better’ said a team spokesperson.

 

Slutty Denied Member of the Year Award (Again)

The Member for Western Plains, Ron Slutty, has yet again been overlooked in the prestigious Western Herald Member of the Year Award.
The Award- which began as “Dick of the Year” – recognises the man (usually) who has done the most to embarrass himself during the previous 12 months, give or take.
Last week Slutty had been telling everyone (Mrs Slutty) that this was “probably” going to be his year after he was discovered with two male prostitutes in a New York hotel room and that he was hoping for an interview and a photo-shoot.
However the Western Herald has said that at no time was there the slightest probability of anyone being prepared to listen to Slutty for 10 minutes, let alone take his picture.
The name of this year’s winner, Big Mal Merino, will be kept a closely guarded secret until it is made public.

 

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Western Plains Man Named Slut of the Year

 

No suggestion of wrongdoing in fabricating service record says report

Local Member Ron Slutty has been cleared of any wrongdoing following an investigation into claims that the MP had been seen wearing a service medal that he had not been awarded
The announcement was made this morning after extensive investigations into Mr Slutty’s police and military service record.
‘It is clear from our enquiries that Mr Slutty served for many years in the Western Plains Police Force,’ the report said. ‘So how was he supposed to know that lying was wrong?’

 

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Postanoffenloos faces wallet-wrenching decision

Con Postanoffenloos, who this week successfully steered the socceroos to the World Cup finals, faces a difficult yet at the same time easy dilemma.
Is now the right time to threaten to resign unless he gets a pay rise; or should he risk waiting until after the finals when his reputation might be even worse than it is now?
The problem for Postanoffenloos is that the $600,000 a year he currently receives is only slightly more than the Prime Minister’s salary. And despite the high reputation that he has in his own mind, if he does quit he knows that in the real world no-one else would pay him what he earns now. Not even to manage Greece. The country maybe, but definitely not the football team.
To help influence the decision, Postanoffenloos has asked his agent (me) to write this unbiased article saying what a brilliant job he has done.
On Wednesday Postanoffenloos’ side overcame a brilliant Honduras team packed with some of the most brilliant players in Honduras. Playing in the fluent money grabbing style that has become Postanoffenloos’ trademark, his team were finally rewarded for their attacking play, but not well enough obviously.
Since then my phone has never stopped ringing. Usually it’s Con asking if any offers have come in yet. Unfortunately we are seeing a bit of a market correction right now, but as I tell all my clients, it’s never been a better time to sell out.

Why is Western Plains located where it is?

‘We all know that Western Plains is situated somewhere in Australia’ writes Bi-Curious of Carpentaria, ‘But why isn’t it located somewhere nearer, or more interesting?’ he or she asks.

‘I’m sure a lot more people would follow the Western Herald media digest if only it contained something worth reading’ she added.

Well Bi-Curious, you can be forgiven for not knowing exactly where Western Plains is, or indeed why it is.

Many potential locations were looked at before a suitable location was chosen for the motley assembly of characters who populate these pages.

Western Plains’ location was determined, in part, by politics and in part, by accident. Before a site was settled on, towns all over remote and regional Australia were in danger of being selected. Eventually, Editor in Chief John Fustaigne chose a point exactly halfway between ‘the black stump’ and ‘the arse end of nowhere’ – close enough to be identified as Australian, but not too close as to offend people from Dubbo.

We hope that answers your question, Curious. It’s a great story, and one that we’re very proud of, but like everything else on these pages, you still might not find it very interesting.

The story behind some of Western Plains most creative advertising

So many of Western Plains’ most iconic commercials are the ones that promise to deliver that special something which we all thought was out of reach. Here we explain how the promises made in some advertisements will stick in our brains for decades, while others will be broken before the end of the commercial break. Whether the message is to come here or stay away, only the paranoid schizophrenic at the immigration desk can say for sure.

Come on down! Western Plains is paradise for boat people.

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No it isn’t. Fack off!

If you come by boat

People who like camels especially welcome.

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No they’re absolutely feckin not!

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Western Plains, it speaks for itself

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