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Why research means different things to different people

Researchers at the Institute of Muffin Management have discovered something startling about facial expressions and emotional states.
While working with primitive hill tribes in remote Western Plains, Professor Ronaldo Drivelli began to suspect that sometimes you can tell what people are thinking just by looking at them, and sometimes you can’t.
However, when he told people about his research, he discovered that they knew that already.
‘You learn something new every day’ said Professor Drivelli ‘Unless you work at the Institute of Muffin Management.’

 

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Are you thinking what I’m thinking? 

 

 

 

 

 

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Shock election result caused by 60 years of inattention

Voters in Western Plains have woken this morning to the shock news that Anwar Mohamad has been re-elected Prime Minister at the age of 92.
‘I am a long term reader of the Western Herald’s insightful political coverage’ said one observer ‘So I had no idea that they were even having an election in Amalaysia.’
Mohamad who was one famously described by local member Ron Slutty as ‘recalcitrant’ has said his Government would not seek revenge against its political opponents. It would, however, seek to restore the rule of law and return those to prison who opposed it, he said.

The impossibility of predicting which former football players will be able to make accurate predictions

If there is one thing we can all agree on, it is the impossibility of looking at a bunch of talented and successful football players and predicting which of them will be equally successful as managers.
Or, for that matter, of predicting which players will emerge from a nondescript playing career to become equally nondescript bloggers.
Only a fool would be so brave as to make such a prediction and I never will.

 

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Dull and uninteresting as a player, but with a vicious right hook, Fustaigne was always destined to go into blogging.

 

Western Plains Police present man with bill for repairs after running him over

Police in Western Plains say that a pedestrian who ‘collided’ with a police car will be formally charged later today.

A spokesperson for Western Plains Police has downplayed the incident.

‘All fair minded people would agree that deliberately running down indigenous people is an integral part of policing in Western Plains’ he said.

Watch footage

 

Former champion coach Karl ‘Popper’ Popovic arrested, charged with drug trafficking, possession

Players at Western Plains Bombers FC have said they had no inkling that former championship-winning coach Karl ‘Popper’ Popovic was in any way involved with footy.
It is alleged that when police executed a warrant at his home this morning they found 2 kilograms of ecstasy, 1 kilogram of methyl amphetamine, 100 LSD tabs, half a kilogram of ephedrine, a suitcase full of Xanax tablets, four ice pipes, two bongs and a battered copy of Warrior on the Edge of Time by Hawkwind.
‘There were enough narcotics in the house to fuel a major crime spree’ said Senior Detective Ron ‘Sniffer’ Fustaigne.
‘Or at least to keep the Western Plains Bombers going for a week’ he added.

Slutty Welcomes ‘Delicious’ French

Local member Ron Slutty has committed yet another faux pas on his latest diplomatic mission which has left seasoned Slutty watchers shaking their heads.
Welcoming French President Emmanuel Macron to Western Plains, Slutty chose the wrong moment to promote his linguistic abilities.
‘Bonjour et bienvenue to you and your tasty wife,’ he said ‘I look forward to practising my delicious French on you later this evening.’
Slutty later apologised for his error.
‘I did not know that they were from France’ he said.

Disabled diva gives virtuoso public performance

Despite suffering from a disability that would have daunted most people, local diva and banker Dame Kiri Ti Slutti continues to wow audiences with her outrageous public performances in front of the Banking Royal Commission.
Stricken with a rare sensory disorder since she found out she had it, Slutti is unable to distinguish between people who are alive and people who have been dead for 7 years.
Whilst this might have proved a bit of a handicap in most careers, in banking it is regarded as a big plus.
It was revealed this week that shortly after joining the Bank of Western Plains 10 years ago, Slutti introduced a Financial Advice Charge for all customers whether they received the advice or not, and irrespective of whether they were alive or not.
‘In fact we preferred dead customers at the Bank of Western Plains’ says Slutti ‘They were much less likely to complain.’
‘Not that we would have given a ratsarse even if they did’ she added