Researchers at the Western Plains Institute of Muffin Management have released a new Report that will take the Institute in a sort of forwards type direction going into the future according to futurologist and project leader Professor John Fustaigne.
‘The aim of the Muffin 2050 Report is to develop in a very real sense, plausible scenarios for the future of muffin in the workplace’ said Professor Fustaigne.
‘We know however that we cannot predict the future. So we have decided to call it scenario planning instead’ he said.
‘The Report expropriates the very latest in post-modernist jargonomics, not only in order to extrapolate what might happen in future, but also to show that we take ourselves very seriously’ he added.
Fustaigne says the approach taken in the Report is a broad-based, loose-thinking type methodology. ‘Using this simplistic approach’ he says ‘We have reached some unconvincing conclusions, while sticking essentially to a narrative that is devoid of any meaning whatsoever. By that, we mean use of expressions like base-line shift, laterally embraced, and technological sanguinity, as well as the random use of italics.’
‘In this way, the Report has given a base-line shift to strategy that reflects changes to technological sanguinity which would not otherwise be laterally embraced’ he said.  People who have read the Report have described it as a mix of terrifying technological possibilities and even more terrifying prose. The following extracts are printed without anyone’s permission.
Scenario One – Hard Day’s Muffin
In Scenario One small scale muffin production is the result of a human-machine interface in a domestic environment. Numerous home bakers have discovered the delights of combining flour, sugar and margarine in a bowl. A series of measurements, followed by emulsification and exposure of the combined ingredients to intense heat in a wall or free standing oven leads to real and visible change. After 15 minutes of latent and/or convective heating, the muffin is ready for consumption. The home baker ensures a better outcome by actively monitoring the muffin while it is in the oven. Technologies are gradually applied in a highly pervasive manner, with people realising the true reach of these applications once they are in place – ovens can also be used to make bread, cakes, cookies, etc. People take their muffins to work and share them around.
‘People are baking all of the day and all of the night’
Scenario Two – Muffin the Mule
The world in Scenario Two is changing. The narrative describes how a protectionist and maternalistic government has influenced the rise of a highly mechanised, highly profitable muffin industry. The growth of manufactories located on the outskirts of conurbations, both large and small, has contributed to the development of the homogenised muffin. There is only one recipe. No artificial ingredients are required. But they’re used anyway. The result is bland and tasteless. The confections are washed down by the consumer’s choice of beverage such as tea, coffee or cocoa sourced from compliant, inter-dependent economies around the world. Muffin making is a globalised industry.
‘Consumers, hungry for muffin, make the short drive to the supermarket’
Scenario Three – Brave New Muffin
In this scenario the boundaries between the economic and culinary worlds are blurring. People are starting to supply their managers with muffin in the expectation of reward, but individuals have the right to opt in or out. Some girls do, and some girls don’t. Government, industry, advocacy groups and consumers are starting to see the benefits of muffin management – make your manager a muffin, get promoted!
‘Proto muffin management emerges’
Scenario Four – Dark Side of the Muffin
This narrative describes an environment where there is a rapid pace of change, but a slow pace of thinking. The workplace environment is throbbing, uninhibited and highly aromatic, but with poor service/delivery/performance. It is a hungrier, less trustful Australia where people are fiercely protective of their recipes. Shifting temporary alliances and partnerships form, reform and deform.
‘…erosion of confidence in muffin management’
Scenario Five – You can fool some of the people all of the time
This is an environment of high turbulence, driven by culinary and political instability. Home muffin makers are driven to extraordinary lengths by sheer desperation. They offer a huge range of tempting solutions in an attempt to get ahead in the workplace. But as a result, there is little trust in the system and everyone hates their boss. Many managers have died in mysterious circumstances…
‘Muffin managers are now on the receiving end.’

Conclusion
The major themes identified in the report are:
• In the future, some things will be different
• And some things will be the same
• Er, that’s it…..
• In a nutshell.