Home » Humor » Who are the candidates in Western Plehran El-ection?

Who are the candidates in Western Plehran El-ection?

All you needed to know about the candidates bidding to become the next Bignob of Western Plehran.

Under Western Plehran’s complex electoral system, absolutely anyone can nominate for election, but not everyone is allowed to stand for election.  All nominees must first be assessed by the powerful Shaqira Council for their perceived loyalty to the regime and their adherence to fundamental principles.  People who are loyal to the regime are in: people who adhere to principles are out.  Also being a woman is out [maybe you could work this into your story a bit earlier – ed].
Jahan Fustani, moderate hard-line reformer
A former pilot in the Plehranian Airforce, Fustani received the country’s highest award for bravery when his squadron of hand-woven Persian Carpets took out a whole showroom of much heavier Axminster Bombers during the War.  Served as Lord High Executioner under former president, Hangam Anfloggam.

Eerzah Palaver, reform minded, hard-line conservative
Minister for Corrective Services and Waste Disposal, Palaver is credited with reducing chronic over-crowding in the nation’s prisons and contributing to chronic overcrowding in the nation’s graveyards. Analysts say he may just be standing to secure a promotion after the election as he knows where the skeletons are buried. Literally.

Sheikh Rattel Anrohl, tone-deaf, hard-liner
Western Plehran’s most popular muezzin, his smash hit ‘And I Ran’ is played up to five times a day on PlehranianRadio. Muezzins are usually selected for their ability to recite the entire Duran Duran back catalogue beautifully, melodiously and loudly. Anrohl was selected after the other candidate mysteriously fell out the minaret.

Rhon Slutteh, hard-line moderate reformer
The current Vice-King of Western Plehran, Slutteh is often described as incompetent rather than anything else. Wears a black turban, distinctive flowing robes and ladies’ underwear from Victoria’s Secret. Supporters say he is being groomed by members of the old generation for succession. Critics say he has been grooming members of the young generation for seduction.

Briadier Khrush Al-Dissente, caring, supportive, progressive
Vegetarian, tee-total, and main hope of Plehranian feminists, Al-Dissente is one of Western Plehran’s best loved characters. The main driver behind mass execution of political opponents in 1988, but in a caring, supportive sort of a way, Al-Dissente’s father was a respected fatwa and an alcoholic schizophrenic. He fondly remembers beating his children, or at least someone did, every night.

Don Al-Trumpeh, unpredictable, unstable, loose cannon
Has impeccable presidential credentials having served as property speculator in down town Western Plehran for several years, Al-Trumpeh has promised to build [click here for more candidates]

 

 

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Plehranians go to the polls this weekend in what is being widely seen as a test of people’s understanding of what a free and fair election is.

 

 

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