President Donald Trump has ignited controversy this week with his claim that Andrew Jackson is one of his favourite eighties singers. Mr Trump’s remarks have raised eyebrows, in part because until now people were not aware that Andrew Jackson had recorded any albums, either in the 1980s or the 1880s.
The Herald asked three well-known historians – Sanktimonius Kant from Western Plains Technical College; Kylie Minogue from Neighbours; and Crabbit McScunner from Western Plains Caledonian Society for their response to Trump’s comments.
TRUMP: I love Andrew Jackson…I’ve got all his albums.
Kant: I love Jackson too. I listen to his music all the time on my gramophone.
Minogue: Your what now?
McScunner: You know, it’s a little known fact that Trump’s ancestors came from Scotland and…
Minogue: Yeah, yeah, we know. Did he mean Michael Jackson?
Kant: Well, can we ever be definitive about these things Kylie?
TRUMP: And I’ve got Marvin Day, Smokey Robertson, Whitney Fustaigne…
McScunner: You know, rock and roll has its roots in the traditional Scottish country dance tunes of the…
Minogue: Yeah yeah. Do you think he means Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson and Whitney Houston?
Kant: That’s a very good question.
TRUMP: All of these great musicians were like me, of Scottish descent.
McScunner: I knew it!
Minogue: Do you think Trump has actually listened to any of these musicians? Or has seen photographs of them?
Kant: Probably just Jackson, Kylie. I think we may have to consider the possibility that Trump is deaf and blind, as well as dumb.
McScunner: You know I think it was Shug McDuddy who said, ma ma say ma ma coo…
Minogue: Oh, shut up!