Writes Delia Fustaigne, the Herald’s Culinary and Middle Eastern Affairs Correspondent
The legendary Aznac biscuit is a traditional concoction whose ingredients include sugar, butter, treacle, western plain flour, western plain nuts, and hyperbolic soda.
The acronym AZNAC was coined in 1915 when Western Plains’ men enlisted for World War One. The soldiers were fiercely patriotic however, they were a bit baffled by spelling and many of them were surprised to find out that they had in fact joined the British Army. This gave rise to the slogan: My country – wherever that is.
Aznac rations usually consisted of pies shipped over from Western Plains which were often heavily contaminated with fumes that had leaked from the ships’ engine rooms. To disguise the foul taste the Diggers borrowed from their Indian confederates the idea of smothering the whole lot with ketchup. Western Plains men developed such a taste for this exotic flavour that even to this day many of them still buy their pies from petrol stations.
The wives, mothers and girlfriends of Western Plains soldiers were concerned about the men’s welfare and the food being supplied to them. Many feared that their loved ones might never return – the cooking in Western Plains was that bad.
Things got worse when reports began reaching Western Plains that Turkish wives were keeping their husbands sweet with delicious confections called baklava and halava and especially a sticky goo made from gelatine, sugar, rose water and pistachio nuts, a combination which many of them thought was just a delight.
Not to be outdone, Western Plains women came up with an answer – a confection with exactly the same nutritional value as turkish delight but a lot easier to put in an envelope.
At first the confections were called Western Plains Nut Jobs, but after extensive market research and product testing in a controlled environment, they were renamed Aznac Legends.
Nevertheless Western Plains is still proud of its Nut Jobs. They can often be seen hanging around the war memorial drinking meths out of a brown paper bag.
How to fake biscuity Aznac Legends
– Sift evidence through a coarse sieve. Discard any inconvenient bits. Add the nutcases.
– Garble facts and allow mixture to stand too close to the television.
– Add anything you think might improve the text. I use treacle but syrup works just as well.
– Stir the hyperbole of soda into the mixture.
– By now your concoction should have very little substance. Add sugar coating.
– Place on internet and bake at 175C for 15-20 minutes.
Note: Legends may not rise the first time you fake them – if so try adding more hyperbole to the mixture.