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The Origins of Easter Explained

By Bill Bilby, our Religious and Extra-Marital Affairs Correspondent

And it came to pass that Moses, Julius Caesar and Thankerton Man were out on the town one night back in the days before television, but sometime after the invention of beer, pubs and drunken arguments.
They weren’t completely ecclesiastical, but just had plenty, when Thankerton Man spake up saying, ‘Ah springtime! I love this time of year. Happy Beltane everybody!’
And Moses replieth saying ‘You mean, Happy Passover! It’s been called that for as long as I can remember.’
And Caesar spake unto them saying, ‘No, you’re both wrong. It’s the Festival of Oestra, the Goddess of Fertility. That’s why we give children gifts of eggs.’
‘I thought you Romans gave children gifts at Christmas?’ commenteth Moses.
‘Naw, that’s just on birthdays’ sayeth Thankerton Man, ‘But where do the rabbits fit in to the picture? And choaklit?’
‘And Guy Fawkes’ addeth Moses, ‘Did he not have something to do with it?’
And Caesar just looked at them and made the sign of the cross.
And Moses and Thankerton Man shutteth up at that point because they both well knew that the Romans had crucified people for less, just that morning in fact.
‘Good, I’m glad we got that sorted’ sayeth Caesar, ‘But I think we’ve all had a bit too much to drink. I’ll tell you what…..take Monday off!’
And this worked fine for a while until they discovered Australia when the whole feckin argument stared up again.

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