Tragically, a day that many of us in Western Plains have been dreading for years has finally arrived. Local derro, Shug McDuddy has gone completely dental.
Scots wha hae oan biscuits fed,
Choaklit, jam an fairy bread,
Livin in eternal dread
O dental surgery.
Now’s the day o recknin fair.
Come, approach the dentist’s chair;
He promises it isna sair,
O dental perfidy.
Wha can thole the painfu drillin?
Wha can fit another fillin?
It’s no as painfu as the billin,
O dental robbery.
Wha but fur Tunnocks an Macvities,
Ah wid hae teeth, nae ma cavities,
Na gingivitis na halitosis!
O dental malady.
Syne at appointments multi-dated
Ma teeth hae a been coronated,
Precision tooled an porcel’in plated,
A dental remedy.
An noo as I approach my daith
In one thing I have certain faith,
Ah’ll hiv the maist expensive taith
In the feckin cemetery.