Home » Humor » Australia Day, unfortunately

Australia Day, unfortunately

It’s Australia Day and Dorothy Fustaigne, Western Plains very own singing mortician, has submitted this wonderful poem to cheer us all up.

My Australia Day

I hate this sunburnt country
This land that’s girt by sea
So full of mortal dangers to
A sheila just like me

A crocodile or shark maybe
A snake in the long grass
Or get bitten by a spider in
The outside lavatory

A homicide, murder most foul
A shooting accidental
Or much much worse than all of these
A cancer of the bowel

I contemplate the wide blue skies
The heavens and the stars
Where could they all have come from?
Those pestilential flies!

A redback or a stinger
Or slip in to a coma
When what you thought was just a mole
Becomes a melanoma

You might take a flight with Qantas
To remote exotic places
By the time you get to Woop Woop
You’ll have Deep Deep vein thrombosis

Slow or quick it is forever
A life there is no cure for
I hope I don’t get carried away
By footy finals fever

You know I might end up in a home
For palliative care
With all my fellow sufferers
Of tall poppy syndrome

It takes a lot of courage
As through the heat I trudge
I’m gunnado a kiwi off
Of Sydney Harbour Brudge

Maybe I won’t finish it
Cheer up now, that’s the spirit!
Howzabout a little cocktail
Paracetemol and Glen Livet?

I don’t think I can stick it
My mind’s made up to end it
I going to turn on Channel Nine
And overdose on cricket.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: