Today is St Andrews Day and unfortunately for the rest of us, Shug McDuddy has felt the need to mark the occasion by submitting another incomprehensible dirge about the land of his birth. As an act of charity we have agreed to publish it, but this is the last time Shug!
The Worst Thing Aboot Scotland Is
The SNP, the Wee Wee Free
The bigotry an blether
Amang the things ah dinnae miss
And that includes the weather.
The Sunday Post, the Courier
A the news that’s fit tae print
Remind us that the world’s best viewed
Throo glesses wi a tartan tint.
The drafty bus, the soakin slush
Throo winters wet and freezin
Ah think ah’ve caught ma daith o cauld
Ach, just tak anither deesprin.
Frae Pollokshaws tae Ridderie,
Throo Coaltown of Balgonie
Frae Lesma’gow tae Stenhousemuir
Land of the coronary.
Ah’ve travelled here, ah’ve travelled there
Tae mony a third world nation
But Scotland taks the biscuit fur
Its rural deprivation.
Nae jobs, nae hope, nae kirk, nae pope,
Nae real prosperity.
But the worst thing aboot Scotland is
Its feckin poetry!