The hip hop craze sweeping Western Plains reached its climax yesterday in the Battle of the Bogan Rappers held at the Grand Hotel in Liebig Street.
This year’s finalists were effinbee (stage name of local youngster Franklin Bollox, but if you’ve ever spoken to him you’ll know why he gets called effinbee) and elevenpence (the stage name of Marshal Fustaigne – he’s just not quite the full shilling).
Effinbee caused quite an upset this year, same as he does every year, but nevertheless he won first prize anyway because his dad was the judge. His winning rap is reproduced below.
It’s not much fun in this remote country
To the nearest city it’s four hundred and three.
You know I’m talkin a lot of kilometry
Just to hear me
Do bogan rappery.
I spent four years in a college educational
I bet you’re thinking that’s quite unusual
Cos the course only lasts for two, y’all
Know that’s typical
Of bogan rappery.
I’m a dinkum practitioner of real bogan rappery
When I get angry it’s a kind of therapy
Western Plains Agricultural College and Anger Management Institute
I attended it.
My teacher described my work as a container fertilisery
Well maybe those weren’t the words that he used precisely
In fact, the words he used to describe it were actually
Shit, it’s a bucketty
Of bogan rappery!
It’s really just a test of verbal dexterity
Delivery and memory, and dinkum eminemery.
So stick it up your old doodidgery
If youse don’t wanna hear me
Murder the English language (do bogan rappery surely? – ed)
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