This week travel writer Louis Fustaigne travels to Western Plains Library to find out about Niceland
Niceland is a nice wee insular country covered completely by thick fog and norse myths. It has a tall dense population, and despite what they think, they all live on the northern fringe of Europe.
Niceland has a nice temperate climate due to the influence of the Gulf Stream and the steady drizzle. Warm sunny days, beautiful beaches, tropical sea breezes and the convenience of modern plumbing are all completely unknown in Niceland.
The capital and largest city is Reykjjervase which is home to over two-thirds of the population. The other half live in the surrounding countryside.
The unit of currency is the Nicelander Ffarting.
The most popular game in Niceland is fishball. The biggest club is Arctic Thistle. Their main rivals are Herring Of Fthestarbordbow.
The biggest employer in the country is the Department of Fisheries and Social Security which is responsible for paying the dole to everybody else.
Niceland is politically volcanic. The biggest political party is the Niceland National Party which supports freedom, liberty, prejudice and one party rule. Their main opponents, the Niceland Liberal Party also support liberty, freedom, prejudice and one party rule, but not by the Niceland National Party. They are however united in their dislike of fresh vegetables.
Getting there is easy: there are direct flights every second Tuesday from Western Plains to Forbes, Forbes to Sydney, Sydney to London, London to Aberdeen, Aberdeen to Helsinki and Helsinki to Stavanger. From there it’s a short overnight trip by trawler to Reykjjervase (note that nights in that part of the world last for 22 hours). Talk to Western Plains Travel and Escort Agency about their accompanied tours.
Travel tip: Niceland can be expensive. Even public conveniences are not free, so it’s best to visit the facilities in your hotel before venturing out. Many visitors report using the public conveniences and loosing several ffartings.