Home » Uncategorized » Finally cleared of all charges

Finally cleared of all charges

May I first of all express my thanks to the members of my legal team, my accountants, my associates, my consilgieri, my bagmen, my bodyguards and all the other members of my Family who have stood by me during this very difficult time, writes Johnny ‘Redface’ Fustino, Boss  of Western Hotspurs FC.

I also want to thank Mr Elliot Ness of the Western Plains Police Department and to make clear that I have no bad feelings towards him personally for his role in this whole unnecessary business. But I am a superstitious man, and if by some unfortunate circumstance an accident should befall him, like he should fall into a cement mixer or choke on a pair of socks, then that would be his own fault.

As I said from day one, I have never done nothing wrong and now I have the Court’s verdict to disprove it

For the record, I have never not accepted no secret untaxed bonus payments from no bars, clip-joints, speak-easies, gambling dens, brothels or Western Hotspurs FC.

I am simply providing a perfectly legitimate protection service to small businesses.

It is true that I have received several ‘compensation’ payments totalling $10m into my “Bung 91” and my “Backhander 92” accounts in the Bahamas which I completely forgot about during my frequent trips to the Caribbean.

As I made clear to the Court, these accounts were named after my pet dogs and had nothing whatsoever to do with any underhand dealings and only a ten year old with a very simplistic view of right and wrong would think there was anything sinister about these secret accounts.

I have no regrets about accepting these payments. After all, money laundering is a victimless crime.

I am adamant that this case should never have come to court. It was a blatant attempt by the authorities to give high profile racketeers like myself a bad name .

In order to ensure that no more is heard about this nonsense, I have asked my associate, Bruno to get the Senate to hold an enquiry.

I am honoured that my friend and fellow philanthropist, Mr Vito Corleone, has said that I would be a ‘very, very good choice’ to succeed Harry Redknapp as manager of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club in England.

However my opposition to football is well known. It is a dirty business and attracts all sorts of shady characters.

But I recognise that times change and, so as long as it’s not promoted to kids or played near schools, I am prepared to turn a blind eye to it.

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